Juniper Disco

This post is in honor of the last issue of my Us Weekly subscription, which I am canceling. Because I don’t know who these people are anymore. And I don’t care. 

25 Things You Don’t Know About Me

1. Tinkerbelle Glass is my gamer name. Or it would be if I had any hand-eye coordination.
2. I failed my driving test twice — once because I couldn’t parallel park and once because it was raining and I put the back windshield wiper on, but not the front one.
3. I also failed a class in college but still graduated cum laude.
4. I had a pet duck named Squeaky when I was a child. My father rescued him when we found him abandoned at the now defunct Zinn’s Diner.
5. I am an avid user of the Oxford comma — yes, yes, and yes.
6. I have a scar on my knee from tripping over a speed bump.
7. Former — and much beloved — colleagues gave me the nickname, The Onion, because I have a knack for making people cry. In a good way. It is my superpower.
8. I’ve never had a fake ID.
9. After failing to pass the Presidential Fitness Test year after year, I convinced my parents to buy me a chin up bar so I could practice my flex arm hang. The training paid off. 
10. I once went swimming in a public fountain in Philadelphia and ended up with a nasty rash on my legs.
11. The first time my parents allowed me to pick the paint color of my room, I chose bright orange. Without hesitation.
12. I (still) love Jon Secada.
13. I was a nosy, nosy snoop as a child. When I couldn’t find the key to my sister’s diary, I cut the plastic strap holding it together with scissors. And then taped it back together with masking tape. Needless to say, I got caught.
14. I have a tendency to mix my metaphors, especially when I am talking a lot and am nervous.
15. I have punched more than one person in the face.
16. I attended the 90th birthday celebration of the man who invented the Milky Way bar.
17. I got in trouble for touching a statue at the National Gallery of Art in DC. It was an accident. I swear.
18. I’ve never lived in a state, only commonwealths (Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Massachusetts.) Even more amazing since there are only four. The other one is Kentucky. 
19. After 18 years of being a good girl, I got suspended from school my senior year after a weekend of Halloween hijinx with my friends.
20. I love gangsta rap. The Chronic is one of my all time favorites.
21. Two girls bullied me at summer camp one year (every day as I waited in line to buy my atomic fire balls.) After I won the swimming relay for my cabin (we were in last place and I swam my little heart out and passed everyone else for an awesome triumphal finish), they tried to be my friend. I ignored them.
22. I prefer “grey” over “gray” and “theatre” over “theater.”
23. I’ve never been on a cruise. Every time we start to consider it, something bad happens — like someone going overboard never to be seen again.
24. Somehow I’ve managed to escape ever doing a beer bong.
25. I consider “Disco Inferno” my personal theme song. (Listen to it, it will get your day started off right!)